Typical New Year's advice focuses on ephemeral resolutions. Resolve to change; resolve to be different: All these compulsory promises made during the dead of winter when the days are darker, colder and you have less energy. Seriously, aren't you tired and bored with this useless and frustrating ritual? Personalities and core values are pretty much set; becoming a new version of yourself hasn't worked out for you in the past, so inevitably you slide back to your old self. Resolving to be a new you suggests that you don't like the old you which hints of low self-esteem issues. And low self-esteem can be quite insidious as it makes you more vulnerable to stress, irritability and results in a negativity bias. Ultimately you end up doing so much for others that you deplete yourself. It¡¦s time to get reacquainted with who you once were and what you originally wanted to be.

Now that it's 2020, it's time to have 20/20 vision. See yourself as born an original who does not have to become a shadow of someone else's concept. Get into the habit of pleasing yourself and not letting others rob you of your time. Know the answer to this basic question: What makes me happy? Now act on it.

Here's how to fortify your unique identity:

• Rid yourself of emotional programming ¡V that you need the perfect job, relationship, children, vacation, or home. False perfectionism will rob you of self-discovery. False perfectionism takes you away from who you are as you inevitably fall short of achieving impossible ideals.
  
• Introspect on your unique abilities and intellectual capital. You should be able to identify your signature strengths and potential.
  
• Learn to separate who you are from what you do. Take responsibility for you actions and moods. "I'll do better next time." This means stop blaming others and own up to what you can improve or avoid.
  
• Fortify your identity with self-affirming hobbies, trips, friends and accessories that inspire you and reacquaint you with hidden talents and dreams you wish to actualize.
  
• Liberate yourself from self-limiting and safe roles. Take a thrilling leap and challenge yourself.

2020 insight: Instead of resolving to be thinner, aim to be more substantial. Instead of worrying about the future, stay in the moment and if that moment is bad, the next will be better. Instead of hating your workout, think about strengthening your legs to take you to your next happiness. Annoyed or impatient about paying off debt or taking courses? Keep in mind small steps, giant gains.

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For more information on managing your stress and reclaiming your life read my book, Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life. To listen to archived radio shows with guest experts visit Turn On Your Inner Light Radio Show